Weeb Boss Lv.3
Just had an unpleasant conflict, which prompted me to go read on how to deal with angry people.
And wow. One of the main points of the article had been the following:
You have the right to be safe.
And this is something I needed to know?
Because it's never occurred to me, ever, that first and foremost, you have to keep yourself safe, even if you're wrong! No, let me rephrase this.
The behavioral norm I grew up with is that if someone is guilty for causing somebody else harm, then he _has no right to protect himself_ from that person's anger/hurt and _punishment_. Because that would be unfair. So he has to take what the other person has to give, no matter what.
Of course, later I learned that blame doesn't equal responsibility, but I still catch myself on trying to revert to the old paradigm from time to time.
And this, this is the next step. Or, the original step, the baseline condition that we were never allowed to even contemplate, let alone comprehend.
I'm so thankful. Thank you. It was worth it.
And wow. One of the main points of the article had been the following:
You have the right to be safe.
And this is something I needed to know?
Because it's never occurred to me, ever, that first and foremost, you have to keep yourself safe, even if you're wrong! No, let me rephrase this.
The behavioral norm I grew up with is that if someone is guilty for causing somebody else harm, then he _has no right to protect himself_ from that person's anger/hurt and _punishment_. Because that would be unfair. So he has to take what the other person has to give, no matter what.
Of course, later I learned that blame doesn't equal responsibility, but I still catch myself on trying to revert to the old paradigm from time to time.
And this, this is the next step. Or, the original step, the baseline condition that we were never allowed to even contemplate, let alone comprehend.
I'm so thankful. Thank you. It was worth it.